There are only 2 things that I am sure of...

...during these dark times.

1. I really need help for this sleep problem
2. I'm sexy and i'm homeless.

Day 3/Night 4: Folks here's a story about Minnie The Moocher!

So i'm woken at 9 by cleaners hoovering and fucking around in rooms. If I had to compare their approach to the job i'd would be that they are like a Spec-Ops SWAT Team. Seriously, these bastards might as well just crash through your window with a hoover in hand. Not sure I can take it while my body is still in a deep sleep, much more and they'll have to scrape shit of my sheets as well!

Post SWAT abuse i'm off to Joshs school to pick him up and off around town to do whatever I can. Took him to the Camera Obscura Museum in town for something different. Was actually quite interesting and he was loving the stuffed Animals of the region. Apparently there are staffing concerns and nobody visits these places though as it closed for lunch from 1-2. Our arrival at 12:50 meant we had nothing more than a fleeting visit into a world of old stuff.

Night was an interesting affair. Dad took me out for dinner and a couple drinks to try pick me up a bit. Very nice. Sat in Wetherspoons with a drink and a menu, when my dad is overcome with the desire for a curry, Thursday is "Spoons" curry night. Now, you have to realize that me and my dad don't just like curry. Its almost like an obsession. Seriously, that stuff is just sooo addictive and I can't get enough and I like it really hot. For those that know me, they will know i have a pretty bad stomach/bowel condition and hot food puts me in agony for days yet I'd still climb over Everest to eat that shiz! So while reviewing the curry menu in spoons we discuss that fact that their microwaveable pish might be OK for your average curry enjoying punter, but, not us. We are aficionados! Luckily, there is a top-notch Indian right across the street. Lets get a pint of Cobra in and get a real curry. Yum! We decided to be a pair of dicks and order the hottest curry in the joint a "Hot Ceylonese", with me ordering Lamb. Lamb is just stunning in a curry, i'd happly slaughter 1000 of them myself if it meant I'd have a steady supply of curry ready meet, NOM. With our stomachs filled to the brim and burning and bubbling away we left for the pub.

The later part of night 4 was a blur. Having had a few drinks, i came home, pissed about online for an hour, witnessed an assault and the ensuing 5 man brawl be broken up by the thin blue line when they were taken away in the back of a van and then crashed out listening to the Blues Brothers...

Comments: Minnie The Moocher is a beastly song, mon' Cab Calloway! Day 4 is going to be a painful one what with my stomach ailment, worth the pain. Some of the cleaners look like they need a good scrubbing, not all, but, some. Would they still qualify as being able to clean or will they just transfer dirt? Gad.

Positives: Nice seeing Josh for a few hours and his random convos and telling people to tidy up in Subway were immensely funny. Slapping the table like Randy Orton does to the mat just before hitting an "RKO" when he got angry cause i told him off was pure gold! Seeing chavs get arrested is always good banter.

Negatives: Although the chavs getting arrested was funny, it just shows how volatile and unsafe this place can be. Leaving Josh is always heart wrenching and can't see me ever getting used to it. Its now day 4 and my stomach hurts...

Dadimus and Joshimus Prime!

Day 1 and 2 + Night 2: Ed Sheeran, fancy building me a lego house? Prick.

Hadn't slept the night before so caught up on sleep after an appointment with a "homeless officer". These days and nights are merging together with the tiredness. After asking the officer why I have to stay in this cum stained wizards sleeve I found out that it's costing 2 quid less a night to stay in here than it would at a travel lodge! I'll take the upgrade. What confuses me here is that even though you are paying for the room you can't have visitors as you please, between 5pm and 10pm only. So when I have my 3 year old son and it's pissing down outside its tough fucking luck. Arseholes. Even once I find a new permanent residence apparently housing benefit is only £240 a month for a single person now. Most places cost around £320+. Job please! Makes zero sense for people in a genuinely shit position and not taking the benefits office for a ride. Sorted my stuff into the "hotel room", including Xbox and TV. Makes life a little easier I suppose, better than putting up with some of the cretins in here, not all are bad but seen a few "wrong 'uns". Good sleep for the fact that the curtains aren't yet installed (due anytime soon apparently). Day 2 was pretty quiet, nothing much happened except a visit from "my favourite dish", enjoyable night and certainly propped up my spirits as "the favourite dish" always does. So here I am at 4am, unable to sleep after a bang outside of my room somewhere woke me while drifting off. Gonna be a long day 3 I think!

Comments: Had a Bombay Bad Boy again, conclusion. None, still may be may or female. The powers at be obviously don't give a shit. Breakfast food here blows, cheap bread filled crappy meat products.

Negatives: Pretty much everything. The news that I can't have my son to stay over or even visit during the day is a major ball breaker. 4 stabbings in there in a week, I wonder if any were self inflicted as it sounds a good idea right now!

Positives: Dinner at Dads on day 2, little lad was there and it was good seeing him. Miss the little bugger at times, even though all he does is try to wrestle me. I accept full blame for that one. A date with my favorite dish later on day 2 was a real plus too. Smiles all round there!

                                                            Not going to be seeing as much of these kinda days :(

Night 1: It Begins

So i'm officially homeless, got back from a visit to Scotlands true capital city (of shiteholes) Glasgow and called the homeless social work office. I have been assigned the emergency room in a local homeless shelter, a former hotel (which luckily has a pub joined on) called The Waverly Hotel. This place could challenge places within the previously mentioned city of Glasgow for mankiness. As you young people like to exclaim on Facebook all the time. FML. Whatever the fuck that really means!


Comments: My beard makes me feel at home, i look and feel like a vagrant, this should prevent me being stabbed as I look like a regular inmate at the moment. Nothing else about this places make me feel at home though, that's cause i'm fucking homeless.


Main complaints: No sleep, shite heating, shite sheets and some prick turning on a radio on full blast at 5am. Looking forward to a fry up on the house though. Food rape.


Positives: None, though my Bombay Bad Boy noodles weren't bad. They were actually pretty good. No indication as to whether the noodles truly were male either. False advertising